That at the end of the day it doesn’t matter that I posted a bunch of sad pictures, gifs, whatever. It still didn’t fill in the gaping fucking hole in my chest, or the lump lodged in my throat, or that one last fucking tear in my eye that will not just fall out.
When your support beam tells you it’s only there until you finally fail, like it knows you will, and then it will leave, well it leaves a certain taste in your mouth. A bitter one, but a sad one to boot.
I hate it that all I want to do is throw things and scream at the top of my lungs. But I can’t and I won’t. I tell myself 1000 times a day “You’re strong baby girl, you’ve done this before, you’ll do it again, just be strong.” and I even fail at that. I always break down by the end of it.
But I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Maybe you really are better off without me, maybe I really am better off alone.